A Night-time Revisit of A Control Freak

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     I haven't quite cracked the case- I won't give myself that credit nor dust off my hands and shout "Ok! I've figured out all of my problems. Now I can fix all of them by the beginning of the new year. But I'm starting to understand the majority of my anxieties are caused by an obsessive comfort in having control. Control of my life, my health, my loved ones' health and the obsession with the lack of control of situations such as climate change, conflicts with Iran and our current Chief of Office. 

    For instance- our cat Lou (who is impeccably irritating, much like his brother) just squirted shit on me. I'm not even joking. This isn't an exaggeration. In the midst of me typing this up he rolled his overly large body into a position that covered a portion of my keyboard. The thing is, he is not allowed on my bed. Mostly because of the hair, partially because I hate the sound of a cat licking it's asshole, and also I don't like being stared at while I think or have sex. But I let it slide- just this once. And he fucking sprayed shit on my arm and laptop. I, irritated, repositioned his lanky body to where it wasn't blocking my focus and access to the keyboard and all of a sudden his asshole sprayed shit all over me. 

    Yes I will take a shower, which will not stay hot for more than five minutes due to an unknown water heater issue.

    And yes I'd kind of like to drink about it.

    Which loops around nicely to the subject of control. This explains my obsessive compulsive all-or-nothing tendencies. It also explains my eating disorder, my addictions, and my intense irrational outbursts over minor details that emit looks of gawking terror from my significant other.

    To quote Clare Pooley who quotes AA:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

    Yes, even if it's cat shit on my arm at 9:30 PM.

    Off to the shower,

    NLD

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