Friday 10.23.2020 At the Office

-

     I'm at work. I'm always trying to organize and reorganize which actually creates chaos and gives me more to organize. My planner is an obsession- I write and stare at the things I need to do so often that it's almost like I expect these things to suddenly become accomplished because after all, I am spending time on them.

    I'm trying to drink tons of water and it's not working. I drank two Whiteclaws last night and ate WAY too much- a product of yesterday's anxiety I believe wholeheartedly. Here comes the never ending game- wake up, try to counteract until I'm ragged, and then give in again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sober on Election Day for Fuck's Sake

-
 I'm on day 11 of sobriety. The longest I've went in 2020 without drinking.  Oh, and it's Election Day. I'm glad I'm not drinking. Drinking me would: 1. Have arrived home from work, not cleaned, not exercised and began guzzling because everyone else I know is "drinking about it." That "it" being- the fact that our country is a monstrous mess and jokes about a coming civil war are being lightly thrown around which I quite frankly find- not fucking funny. 2. On my second hard seltzer or glass of wine I would have felt properly loosened up and cracked my knuckles before diving into the dreaded social-media sphere. Potentially looking for arguments but mostly writing embarrassingly preachy thoughts openly as though myself (a completely alcohol-dependent mother) would have supreme wisdom to offer my friends on facebook.  3. I would be pretty drunk about right now. And then tomorrow- I would feel like shit and start working on a to-do list of things I ...
Read more

CBT Week Two

-
 Observations and feelings about recent activities  -I have "slept" 8 hours a day but spent at least three hours of this time not actually sleeping but restlessly eating or waking up frequently -I did not go to bed at a proper time (even though I didn't have to work) because I was either eating, watching a show, or on my phone -Dinner time is rarely enjoyable for me when it should be the opposite -Mornings are usually spent in a panic or depression because I have slept in too late and I feel guilty as a mother -The times during the day I spend with Stella could be spent in a more mutually satisfying way for bother her and I by getting out of the house and experiencing things -None of my times were documented for meals I obviously need to focus on a routine that maximizes enjoyment and minimizes the time I spend beating myself up for missing out on opportunities, or feeling exhausted from lack of focus on enjoyment. I need to develop a better relationship with food and lea...
Read more