Made It Home in Time for Cuddles

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I worked at the hospital today and it was a good day. I spent much needed time with my mom on lunch and made her laugh until she cried from laughing a handful of times- which felt really good. And she was pampered with a lash lift and tint. It was a really good day actually because of the time with my mom and the interactions I had with everyone at the other location. It's funny how you can adopt such a twisted view of someone from a distance and start thinking vicious things about them when in all reality- you're just the same and they're good people.

It was refreshing and good for my soul.

While I was in my car in the parking lot of the hospital I called M and had him keep Sweet One awake in time for me to see her before bedtime. I'm elated that I did see her. Her sweet little body ran to me as soon as I came in the back door and when I bent down to hug her she gave me her slow moving sincere embrace around my neck. This hug turned into me scooping her up and laying on the couch with her. She kissed me and laid her head on my face- smashing it uncomfortably but I refused to move my head so I could drink in her sweet smell. She patted my bangs gently (as she does when she's sleepy) and although very tired caught a second wind from my presence and wanted to get off of the couch so she could bounce back and forth from "Mama" to "Dada" to "Mama" again. 

She is my whole heart and melts my whole being. When I'm around her I find myself gaping at every move she makes, every twitch of her little baby face, I cant help but put my fingers gently through her hair I want to cuddle her to the ends of the Earth and back. This love is incredible. I'm so lucky to have her presence in my life. M ended up laying down the dreaded parent law and scooped her off of the couch to take her to bed to which she protested and stretched her little arms out towards me.

I laid her in her crib with no protests- my angel.

I'm laying in bed now. I want to work out but I'm seriously tired. The upswing is my desire to smoke is inching away day by day now that I'm sober. It tastes like shit and makes me feel dirty and unclean- I feel guilty even resting my head on a pillow. I really want Indian food and snacks instead of booze or cigarettes but I also want to lose weight.

I'm proud of myself. I'm also very tired. And I should eat something. 

Tomorrow is payday. Time to start budgeting. Also groceries! Finally!

Tomorrow is Friday and I am going to bed looking forward to the weekend ahead with my baby, M and my new sobriety. 

Xo 

NLD

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